Class 10: expressing disagreement

Question 1

focus on the problem, not the person

Answer 1

-focus on the care of the disagreement so it doesn’t degenerate to name calling and a focus on personal traits

Question 2

exercise an open mind

Answer 2

• ask a lot of questions
• try understanding why and how the person drew the conclusion that you disagree with
• their experiences can shed light on your own beliefs
• listening actively is the best way to find out what they know

Question 3

dont express disagreement with ‘but’ or ‘sorry’

Answer 3

• dont use the prase “I understand, but..”
• replace the term with “I can see” or “I can tell”
• an apology distances one from the listener and is attempting to excuse the action or inaction

Question 4

embrace the difference

Answer 4

• thank the other person for their opinion
• you can appreciate someones viewpoint without agreeing with it
• e.g. “you know, while I still think we have different approaches, I understand yours a little better now”

Question 5

why do we have a hard time saying no

Answer 5

• fear of not being liked or a strong need to please everyone
• like to feel needed and important
• undervalue the need for downtime
• would rather not deal with the consequences of saying now and the feelings that come with it

Question 6

personal boundaries

Answer 6

• taking personal responsibility for your wellbeing
• what are your most important values?
• what are your most important priorities?
• what is non-negotiable for you?
• what can you be somewhat flexible about?

Question 7

it is okay to say no

Answer 7

• if you dont feel moved by an opportunity
• if you’d rather do nothing
• if you’d need to sacrifice your needs to help someone else
• because you dont have time
• without a detailed excuse - even if you feel like you should offer one
• even if you’ve already said yes, if you realize you weren’t being true to yourself

Question 8

steps of saying no

Answer 8

• acknowledge the request
• decline
• give reasons, if appropriate
• offer alternatives, if possible

Question 9

the “policy”

Answer 9

• a policy adds weight and seriousness when you need to say no/implies that you’ve given the matter a lot of thought on a previous occasion
• “I have a policy about not lending money”
• conveys that you have a prior commitment you can’t break
• “its our policy to have family dinner together every Friday night”

Question 10

feel good about your decision to say no

Answer 10

be calm, confident and comfortable with your decision to say no